If you would have told me three years ago that this weekend I would be in the middle of the woods in West Texas drinking a sacred tea, participating in a life changing indigenous ceremony, throwing up and practically crapping myself, I would have definitely called you crazy. Conservative, frightened and cautions me wouldn’t have even planted that seed. But Ayahuasca has her ways of calling you when you are ready. And two years ago, when I watched my dad pass away at the VA hospital, I wasn’t ready.
These past two years have been the most challenging of my life. After my dad died, my marriage dissolved, my mother stopped talking to me and we had to make the painful decision to send my daughter away for school. It was the earthquake I needed to evaluate my life and find my path. You see, when you are not on your path, you are miserable. You are in prison. You are in hell. And your vibrations are at their lowest levels. Unless you do something to change your energy, you will forever attract more negative and you will never climb out of the hole. It is when you are at your lowest that you either give up and continue to accept the life (or lack of life) or you wake up. And waking up is what the universe wants you to do.
Waking up also means realizing that everything that happens to you is not an evil plot by the universe to make you miserable. Or even to punish. It’s a guidance for your soul. Every decision you make is a wave that produces a consequence. And you are supposed to learn from that consequence. High attracts high. Low attracts low.
My first stirring was when I went to Ireland in the summer of 2015. I was a wreck after my dad died. I started sleeping around to fill the void. I drank. I slept. I cried. I attempted suicide. I needed to get away. I took an assignment in Galway and a week off to explore Dublin. The moment I stepped off the plane at Shannon airport and walked outside I felt something grab my heart, and I felt alive for the first time in years. Even though it was pouring rain and it was cold, my soul felt like it was at home. Things started to open up.
The following spring, I reconnected with a high school friend I hadn’t seen in almost 20 years. He had lived in Venezuela for four years and had a near-death experience and became a shaman. It was crazy to think that this white guy from a small Baptist town in Texas was now a spiritual guide. We were at a Saint Patrick’s Day party (the universe and its signs) and he kept quietly lurking by me. He was staring. And finally I went up to see what his deal was. At first it was banter. How are you? How are the kids? What do you do? But after a couple of hours, he was telling me about the lost Nag Hammadi scriptures that were found in the 1940s near Egypt. He didn’t stop the entire night. He was also ex-military and told me about the government poisoning us with the food that we consume, the chem trails in the sky and the banking system. He told me to invest in bitcoins.
Once you are awake, you become sensitive to the signs and messages. I went back to Ireland the following summer and knew I wanted to move there to go to film school. I even attempted to get that idea out of my head. But my daughter? Leave her for a year? And with no job? Was I crazy? I made every excuse to not follow that path. But the universe kept nudging me gently (well sometimes smacking me in the face with the signs) until I gave in. I found a school and was accepted. And even found a place to live for the first month. It has not been easy. But it feels right. And I start in September.
I digress. On to the ceremony.