In April I ran into a filmmaker friend I hadn’t seen in about four years. I had met him in 2008 at a film festival. Back then he was a heavy drinker, skirt chaser and kind of an asshole. Not that he wasn’t charming. He was just one of those guys that the English call “a wanker.” But he had his own awakening that led him deep into the Amazon jungle in Peru. He came back a thinner man. Not only in physical mass, but weightless in all the garbage a human collects throughout the years. He was all shiny eyed and eager to talk about some weird tea and a frog (el sapo) that has medicinal properties. He invited me to his sacred space in the woods for a ceremony. I was like…yeah sure…I’ll do it.
Two weeks ago I ran into him again and he gave me a time and date. It was the universe telling me that it was my time. Either dive in or be unhappy. I was ready. June 3rd was the two year anniversary of my dad’s death. This was something I wanted to finally deal with. I have been going to therapy and that has helped me let go of a lot of resentment. And in September I make my move to Dublin for film school. I’m letting go of 38 years of a life that has given me mostly sadness. I’m taking my life into my own hands and hopefully doing what I am supposed to be doing. So I said yes. I have been saying yes. That is another lesson I have learned and that you should if you are having your own awakening. Say yes. And I don’t mean ‘yes’ to things that will do you harm. You know what those are. The addictions. The doubt. Say yes to the things that stir your heart. The whispers in your soul. Chip away at the conditioning that has taken us away from our primal instincts and callings. SAY YES TO LIVING!!!
This is something my therapist explained to me. He is also awake. And I thank the universe for putting him in my path. He talks about how we are conditioned in western culture to separate ourselves from our purpose. So we are born. Go to school. Get a job. Start a family. Those things aren’t bad, but they are if you are not doing these things because you are called to them. An education is an incredible thing. But what is the quality of education? Are you going to school to get a good job so you can buy a big house, cars and a bunch of shit you don’t need? Things that will never make you happy? Okay…you do that. And for a while you are okay. But then it’s not enough. You go to church but it doesn’t ring true. I was raised Catholic and that never touched my soul. My religion always made me feel afraid and ashamed. I follow directions but was not allowed to question anything.
So you get a job. Something that takes you away from your family for 40 hours a week. And you’re stuck in an air conditioned office with people you don’t like, doing a job that doesn’t fill you inside. You are a cog. Your vibrations stay low. Then you begin to do things that you think will make you happy. You want to feel something, even if the effects are negative. So you drink. You cheat on your spouse. You do things that take you away from the path. That is our Western thinking. And in Eastern thinking, that is not the case. In Asia, India, South America, parts of Africa, and other cultures, your internal is not a separate thing from your external. A welder knows that she wants to be a welder and studies her entire life for that journey. A writer picks up a pen and never lets go. A doctor, or medicine man, knows that he is a healer and doesn’t let anyone convince him otherwise. When you are on the way to what you are meant to do, it is a beautiful thing, and you’ll see that things around you will rearrange to help guide you.
I was ready. I said ‘yes’ to this strange ritual. I bought a tent and sleeping bag and drove two hours west.