THE AZTEC GODDESS AND OTHER VISIONS
I felt the tea travel my bloodstream. Like a fire that has found a kerosene soaked rope. I was fire. And I melded with the chanting indigenous man and the earth was breathing around me. I just remember how alive everything felt. My eyes were closed and I began to see my gifts.
I saw the colors first, whirling around dancing. I can best and crudely describe it like that scene in the movie Dumbo where he and his mouse friend get drunk and begin to see the pink elephants. My creatures were monkeys at first, laughing and doing a bit of mischief. I was traveling so fast, my human material self acclimating to the opening up of the spirit. And suddenly things slowed down a bit and the land opened up. I saw myself on a mountain. Surrounded by darkness but illuminated by fire. I was beautiful. Strong and golden. I was an Aztec princess, standing on the hill overlooking the land. I looked back at myself, my long hair as if made by God’s brush strokes. My Aztec goddess self morphed into a deer. The most magnificent creature I had ever seen. A golden deer with majestic antlers. As the image faded away, I felt a new sensation. I felt fear. And darkness until a tiger materialized and sprang towards me in slow motion. I could see its eyes, fierce and unforgiving. Snarling at me and charging.
I shot up out of the chair and stumbled across the circle towards the outhouse. But I didn’t make it. I puked just inside our safety parameter. I let it all out. And all I remember was Joe’s gentle voice asking me if I was okay. He guided me back and I crashed in my tent. Thankfully, it has a mesh top to I could see the billions of stars. The stars. Winking at me and playing games.
The chants continued as I looked up at those stars. I felt drunk and dizzy. And my stomach hurt a bit. Kind of like being hung over, but the distraction of the visions kept me from focusing too much on the queasy feeling. I tried to still my mind but Ayahuasca didn’t let me. I had lessons to learn. Work to do. I submitted and she allowed me to see things. I saw faces. In the sky. Real people. It was one face that kept morphing into different people. Yes, like that Michael Jackson video. My faces were also different nationalities, religions, men, women, children. One that stands out is an Eskimo woman. Were they my ancestors? Were they spirit guides? They were comforting. It was like a library of memories. My DNA perhaps mapped out in the sky.
I’m not sure how much time passed. Time exists in a different form when you are in an altered state. But my stomach rumbled. And I felt like I needed to purge again. I also felt like I was going to shit my pants. I was conflicted. There were spiders in the outhouse. I hate spiders. If I shit my pants, I thought, I could change into the extra clothes I brought. But the spirits wouldn’t let me. And also, the clothes were in my car outside the safety zone. The spirits shoved me out of the tent and I stumbled towards the outhouse. I didn’t make it and I threw up just outside. Everything must go. However, I did not shit my pants. I managed to pry open the outhouse door before disaster ensued. As I sat on the toilet, I looked up at one spider that was hanging on its web in the corner. It grinned at me. And I swear I heard its thoughts. It wasn’t going to hurt me. After that telepathic exchange the spiders in the outhouse were actually kind of calming. They weren’t poisonous, and later I was told that they were there to keep the bad spiders away.
My stomach calmed after that mystical round of ‘la purga’. I drunkenly stumbled back to my tent to embraced my final round with the spirits. I looked back up at my star family. They showed me a flash of the man I currently fancy. Someone who has my heart. He appeared briefly smiling at me. Is he my future? My real soulmate? Or just a cheerleader to get me through the rest of the night? He disappeared and the sensations began to chill a bit. More colors. I turned onto my stomach and just listened. The chanting ended and was replaced with some electronic and drum music. I let the music run through me. I listened to the symphony of everything that was alive. The crickets and frogs having a grand old time. And occasionally heard noises of animals I couldn’t identify. The earth underneath me was so incredible too. The aliveness was tangible. And it was embracing and nurturing. I’m never making fun of tree hugging hippies after this.
Then the music stopped and my buzz steadied itself. I just enjoyed being there. And suddenly, similar to how it started, I felt a surge of energy and happiness. It was almost 2 a.m. when I zipped myself out of the tent to join Joe. He was sitting on a recliner staring at the fire like a man who possessed the secrets. I plopped next to him and told him what I had seen. He was very excited and happy for me. Then he invited me to where the base of the yurt is and we got up on the planks to look at the sky. Oh it was a show. Not a cloud. And the billions of planets and stars, my ancestors surely, smiling at me telling me I did a good job and it was going to be okay. We’re all a speck of dust and this planet Earth thing is only a blink in time. I rested for the first time in my life.