The next day I felt like a brand new person. The forest dressed herself in her morning sky and fresh earth. Creatures stirring focusing on the day ahead. The birds chimed in, not to be left behind in the morning orchestra. Joe and Marcus were up talking about their experiences. Angela was on a hammock looking all serene. Joe made me tell Marcus about my journey. He flipped out. And he explained to me what the tea does to your mind when it opens you up. The healing properties have been known for thousands of years. My body did feel good. Two days later and I still feel the buzz. My vibration has been moved to a higher plane. And I can’t wait for my next ceremony (which will likely be in August before I leave).
I walked around one more time and said my good-byes to the forest that had been so generous to me. I was also advised to dip my forehead in the pond water to seal up. If you leave yourself open, bad things can enter inside you. No thanks. After some delicious African coffee, I packed up my stuff and hugged Joe and my new friends. And I drove back home a new woman.
I’m sharing this experience because a couple of months ago I was contemplating suicide. I was mentally preparing to just take the hurt away by ending it all. I shut the door on the universe that has given me so much. I’m not saying that I’m 100% cured. And Ayahuasca isn’t a cure. It’s a tool. I know I have a lot of work to do. But for once in my life I don’t feel worried. I feel a happy that is not familiar to me. I fucking let go. And I am grateful to the people who have helped me in my journey. My daughter who is magic. My therapist who encouraged me to be more mindful. My best friend who asks me every day what I have learned. And, of course, Joe. He gave me a precious gift Saturday night.
I pray for you, person reading this. If you feel like you can’t anymore and it hurts too much, I understand. I have been there. But don’t give up. Please don’t. You are part of a bigger thing. You just have to clear your mind and listen to what the universe is telling you. Quit talking. Quit the chatter in your mind. Don’t listen to the people with the low vibrations. Dump them. Find your mission. I am on your side.