I recently experienced the magic of the sacred Ayahuasca ceremony that completely changed my life. The best way to describe it is being ‘awake,’ which is something you will hear when your soul is called to it. I started hearing words like this. There is a whole library dedicated to the ones who are awaken.
The positives of having the soul wake up from its dormant state is that you become part of a special group of people. I find them everywhere now. We call to each other like lightning bugs on a balmy summer night. And my mind has opened up to profound thoughts and ideas about the way the universe works. I’m always in my head. I also see and hear more vividly now. It’s like my body is in tune with the vibrations of what is around me. This includes people, of course. I am able to immediately hone in on a person’s vibe. I can see them in ways they can never imagine. I always had a gift of understanding people, of making them feel comfortable and open around me. But after Ayahuasca, the gift really started flourishing. I also am better able to control and interpret my dreams.
The downside is that it is a huge responsibility and can be a burden in this world. The ones who are asleep do not understand. And they are judgemental. Even the ones who are more open look at me like I’m telling them fairy tales. It’s like being an outcast in a sense. And there are also powerful forces who control the economy and media that don’t want people to know the truth. Because if we all knew the truth, we wouldn’t buy into the lies and we would be a much happier and fulfilled society. And knowing this is also a burden. All I can do is live my life in light and hope to attract people who are on the verge of a breakthrough. I want to help guide them, be a mentor and heal the ones who need the healing. I am realizing that this is my purpose in life. I have gifts and I am responsible for using them.
STARING INTO THE DARK
I went to Ireland for two weeks to prepare for the next phase in my life. It was both rewarding and tough. I love the country, but I had a lot of painful moments. Every day was an adventure. I remember riding a rented bike on Inisheer, which is the smallest of the Aran Islands, up a hill to the fort. I was struggling and sweating despite the sharp chill of the rainy day.
I had a bit of a panic attack because there is so much I want and I’m not sure how to realize my happiness. Thankfully, I traveled with a friend and there were moments of happiness. But as I was packing to leave Galway and spend a couple of days in London, I saw a Facebook post of my soon-to-be ex with his girlfriend, the woman he left me for. I can’t describe the pain I felt looking at the photos and their happy posts. It’s not that I wanted him back. But there he was, the man I had a child with, smiling at the camera clasping hands with another woman.
When I got back from my trip, I got to spend a few hours with my daughter. And then they left. The weeks that followed were hell. In fact, I’m sure hell is a much gentler place than the state I was in. I spent my time sleeping and crying. I didn’t take a shower. I didn’t eat. I contemplated suicide. I was at that place again. The place where the darkness grabbed every cell in my body. But life doesn’t want to let me go.
I kept getting signs. As I was lying in a depression coma, I decided to to play a recording for past life regression. I went into hypnosis and when I woke from it, I noticed a notification on my phone. It was V asking if I was okay. My soul tugged but it made me yearn for him. I got up and looked in my fridge for something to eat. I was still not out of my funk. I wondered if carbon monoxide poisoning was painless. I could just pass out and sleep and never wake up. That sounded nice. No more pain. At that moment my phone pinged again. This time it was my friend Joe who introduced me to Ayahuasca. He texted that he was doing another ceremony and wanted to know if I was in. It called me.