TREE OF LIFE
I ask them. I tell them that I am afraid of the changes I am about to go through. I am afraid that I will lose my daughter. I am afraid that no one ever loved me. The respond immediately with a love I have never felt before. They show me everything in a way that is not linear. It is all at once. And then spread apart. I see all the people who have come in and out of my life. I see my dad. He is next to me and he radiates pure love and joy.
‘Did you not love me when you were here on earth?’ I ask through telepathy.
My dad’s spirit dances around me. And all I can feel is his love. And I understand that his human form was not able to deal with the harsh realities. That he was here to learn lessons too and make mistakes for soul growth. But he tells me to never doubt his love. At that moment he shines his love on me so strong that I am consumed. I am filled with joy. I am pure joy. He fades away.
I turn on my stomach but I don’t feel like I have a body. I am energy. I see my daughter. She is in her room in San Antonio. She sees me and we begin to communicate. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I love you.”
“I miss you mommy. I will miss you so much. But it’s okay.” I feel her sadness and it breaks me. Then I see my ex. He is not angry. And I am overwhelmed with emotion. Both my ex and my daughter are looking at me with love and pain. I begin to sob. I am sobbing in my tent. Tears flooding down my face. And I conjure the thunder and lightning. It feels my pain.
“I love you. I am sorry. I love you. Please don’t hate me.”
And my ex looks at me and says “I don’t understand what you understand. I am not awake right now. But I love you. My soul loves you. And I will always love you. Even if we can’t be together anymore. Please know that I love you.”
And I start to cry again. And I send his soul my unconditional love. I understand now. What love is. When the Bible says love is kind and not jealous. I understand that now. And I am okay with his departure in this life.
“See,” the Spirits say, “they all love you. We all love you.”
I can only write this in my linear human way. But the questions I ask are not linear. They are all at once. And I receive the answers all at once.
They show me and we travel through the past and they stop at every point that was a signal of when I they were there and I was looking at them but I could not comprehend it. All the times in my life when I was depressed and at the end of my rope. But also, many times that were good. I see my family…my sister and her kids, even her husband. I want good things for them. I see faces of people I have only met once and never thought of since. They were like little angels placed in my path.
Speaking of angels, the music becomes very ethereal. The electronic frequencies sound more refined…almost like they are made by supernatural entities, not computers. I have never heard sounds like this.
I think of some of my friends and tap into that. I see my best friend who went to Ireland with me. I was not my best self with her on that trip. And my soul loves on her. I see my friend from Boston, who I will spend some time with this week. He is clowning around making me laugh. I burst out laughing. I can’t stop. I get back on my back and things begin to slow down a bit. But I am still one with everything.
I go back to my little girl and we talk. “Don’t worry so much,” she tells me. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.” She is asleep now. I give her a kiss on the forehead. She smiles.
I am connected to everyone. I mind talk with Joe and he is dancing around making me laugh too. I thank him for bringing this gift to me. I talk to the others in their tents. We are united. The storm sighs.
I am no longer sure if I’m on my stomach or my back. I have dissolved. The music inside me spreads to the earth. I feel the earth. Like last time, everything around me is inside me. We are an extension of each other. We cannot exist with out each other. I created this.